August 2011
16 posts
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If gay were a choice, I'd choose gay
It’s well-documented that being gay is not a choice, and considering the one Xmas I received a calculator instead of a Tamagotchi, I’m pretty sure the power of prayer is even less effective at keeping me away from penises. But considering a hypothetical world where sexual orientation and gender identity were a choice, I can conclusively say that I would pick gay again, and again, and...
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Bonjour Bitches: The gayest cowboy since Brokeback...
Being born and raised in a city whose main source of pride is the annual largest rodeo in the world, you can say that being a cowboy is in my blood. If by being a cowboy you mean putting on a pink cowboy hat, getting wasted, and making out with guys. I am determined to bring more gay to cowboys than the release of Brokeback Mountain.
Which is why, when our Montreal school-sanctioned activity for...
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Bonjour Bitches: Mute, drunk, & disorderly...
Within two days of arriving in Montreal I lost my voice. It remains to be determined whether it was the result of simple laryngitis or oral gonorrhoea (I put it at a 50-50 chance of either). However, embarking on a five-week adventure to learn and practice French seems a little ridiculous when you are barely capable of speech and sound somewhere between a 14-year-old boy going through puberty and...
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Eating ice cream in public makes me feel violated
It’s no big secret that I’m not good with heat. I don’t mind the occasional warm weather, but what I’m talking about is heat-wave-old-people-and-children-dying-oh-my-god-can’t-I-just-die-Hell-must-be-cooler heat. Which for whiny, heat-sensitive me is anything over 20 degrees Celsius. Anything in the hot or humid range turns me into a sweat-monster who soaks through...
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On the road again
Just a note to clarify some things. After getting back from Montreal at the beginning of July (see: Bonjour Bitches), I hit a kind of writer’s block and hadn’t written anything after my whirlwind few weeks in Quebec.
I went back to work for a month, and now am on the road again. I’m in Europe! I flew from Calgary through Frankfurt to Prague where I drove down to Budapest. Of...
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Bonjour Bitches: I'm Homeless
After deciding at the absolute last minute (read: 10 days before) to go to Montreal for 5 weeks, I jetted off to the land of French and poutine.
Upon arrival I can tell you 4 things:
1. It was absolutely unnecessary for me to pack any sweaters as my current outfit had plastered itself to my person like a second skin after what observers can only assume to be my taking a shower in my own...
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Bonjour Bitches
Well, internet, it’s been a while. I don’t like to stay too far away in case I start to develop into a real person or some other such nonsense, but the past month and a bit has been a blur of alcohol, fun, and French. Oh. Mon. Dieu.
At the end of May I got a last minute acceptance into the Explore program, a Government of Canada bursary that gives students the chance to study French...
June 2011
1 post
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Why I will never understand webcamming
Webcamming is just watching poorly-lit porn with less attractive people, and a little window in the corner showing what they’re seeing of your doughy, misshapen self. It’s a situation where no one wins, and it confuses me.
I have no problems with the idea of procuring sex on the internet. Okay, I have a problem if you’re paying for it, but otherwise this is the information age,...
May 2011
7 posts
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Calgary's Dyke Underground Comes Out →
Oh hey, what? Kris has some writing on another website? Some awesome site called The Gaily? Now go read it.
Thursday night’s D-Fest in support of the Calgary Dyke March brought out more queer women than a Tegan and Sara concert…. [Read More @ The Gaily]
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5 Reasons Why I Make A Terrible Boyfriend
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they’re like: I’m lactose intolerant. There have been numerous occasions when I feel undateable, and although narcissistic, it’s not as though I lack the self-awareness to know why.
After all, my ex-boyfriends have given me such endearing nicknames as “asshat”, “jerkwad”, “annoying”, and...
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6 Ridiculous Weight-Loss Schemes I've Considered
Every May I routinely give the impression that I’m some sort of inflatable device filled with Crisco. And it sadly has nothing to do with fisting.
You see, as a student working two jobs, and desperately trying to finish my degree, April became a month recognizable for two things: stress, and late-night pizza in the name of sanity. In fact, on more than one occasion did I lock myself in a...
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A Remedial Lesson In Free Speech/Expression
Hockey is a huge thing up here in Canada (although I don’t understand the appeal, and don’t tell me I’m not a real Canadian—I hate Tim Hortons too), which is why when an NHL player makes a video in support of marriage equality in NY it’s a pretty exciting thing. Yay!
However, this tends to draw out the idiots in droves, which includes a Tweet from a Canadian sports...
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Introducing Mizz Krissy: Adventures In Being A...
With the exception of one Halloween where I went as Ke$ha (for which, being a drunken mess, I already had most of the parts), I’ve never done drag. Ever. Not even when I dated a drag queen once upon a time.
I’ve always had a fascination with drag, and not just because I watch too much RuPaul’s Drag Race. It just seemed like so much fun, and there’s something to be said for...
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Best Of Popingay →
I’m always tempted to re-run certain clips of my favourite posts, but everyone hates clips episodes, and summer reruns haven’t been tradition in a few years.
So say hello to a new section on here highlighting some of my favourite moments. Now that I’m out of school, there will be a veritable ton of updates. Now don’t get too excited.
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April 2011
7 posts
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People Who Don't Suck™
One primary struggle of our queer community has nothing to do with rights, violence, or society: it’s what in the hell we’re going to call ourselves. The community runs the gamut of sexual and gender expressions and orientations, and it seems like every day there’s a new label to toss on that pile, and quite frankly I’m tired of eating alphabet soup. Right now, we’re...
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Gossip Guy: Lethbridge: Too Queer?
Since my arrival here in Lethbridge back in September 2007 (gosh—have I been here that long already?) I have been witness to a few trends in this great city; but trends are meant to be, and should be replaced with ideas of new aren’t they? Aren’t political powers supposed to change and mold with the times instead of remaining powerfully seated back in yesteryears? Shouldn’t we be removing past...
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5 Things You'll Learn When Meeting Me In Person
Last Friday, at my birthday party, I had the pleasure of meeting Gossip Guy in person when he made the trek up to Cowtown from Deathbridge (a little joke for us Canucks). Although I offered advanced apologies and warnings he insisted he’d survive the encounter limbs intact. He truly lived up to expectation; he was fun, interesting, and didn’t hit me in the face when I kept insisting...
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Happy birthday to me
Well, another year’s come and gone. As of last Thursday, April 21, I turned 24 and moved one step closer to a quarter-life crisis the likes of which will likely trigger the end of the world itself. But that’s not until 2012, so we have one more year to enjoy our lives free from oceans of tears.
Popingay also got a little bit older. I bought the domain as a birthday gift to myself last...
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March 2011
17 posts
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Bulge-Enhancing Underwear: One Horrifying Trend I...
In the gay world, underwear is as important a fashion choice as the pants that cover them. Maybe I’m not the best guy to critique underwear; after all, I actually have about a dozen pairs of the same black Calvin Klein boxer-brief trunks. With my focus on underwear utility and uniformity, you’d might as well give me a flannel shirt and call me a lesbian.
No amount of wearing this...
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The 10 Stages of My Nervous Breakdowns
I have a problem. No, not my drinking problem, or promiscuity problem, or my addiction to… you know what? Let’s forget about the other problems and focus on this one. I take on way too much in my life; I’m the kind of person who wants to do everything all at once. Inevitably that takes my already fragile emotional stability to its breaking point, and means that I live my life...
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Sucker Punch: A Pop Culture Fantasia
There’s only one other way to describe Sucker Punch: an orgasm for the eyes. In my heart of hearts, I’ve been waiting for a movie like this to happen for years, and I didn’t even know it. It worships at the metafictional altar of pop culture, and forgoes traditional plot and story development in favour of a multi-faceted referentially hyperactive pop art explosion that draws...
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Gossip Guy: How To Convince Your Partner To Let A...
So, you’d like to coax your partner into getting naughty and nasty with a third party? It could be an extremely difficult goal to attain. However, if your partner is very open-minded and sexually explicit, initiating a threesome can be a very simple task.
Threesomes aren’t for everyone
First off, if your significant other isn’t a very sexually open-minded individual, then it’s quite unlikely...
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The Cover Letter In My Head
Dear Employer/HR Recruiter/Person With A Job,
Where do you get one of those? I’ve seen them around, and they seem like fun; I’ve checked the malls, but they only called security on me. I’d really appreciate it if you’d tell me where to find one of these job things.
Really, there’s nothing quite like the looming end of 6 years of university to tell you that you have...
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Coming Out: A Multifarious Affair [A Monologue]
[This past Thursday and Friday, my university put on a production of The Coming Out Monologues, which is like The Vagina Monologues, but with either more or less vagina depending on whose monologue you’re listening to. My queer resource centre, the school’s student success centre, and a local queer resource centre organized the performance. I wrote the monologue below, and performed...
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Dear Glee,
To borrow a line from you, “you’re a slut, you’re a slut, you’re a slut, you’re a slut!”. You’re satisfied throwing yourself at any attention-grabbing hook you can get your hands on, like a hooker no one wants. We need to have a serious talk, and without the melodramatic histrionics you’re so fond of.
We used to be so good together. You had...
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5 Online Gay Profile Photo Types With Sinister...
In the alternately sexy and terrifying world of online dating there is no more important part to your profile than the profile photo. I’m sorry, we are a shallow, visually-driven culture of gay boys, and I don’t particularly care if we match on 29 ridiculous dimensions, because even if we have a personality match made in heaven, if your appearance makes me cringe in horror in a way...
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Dear Self: Certain Thoughts Should Be Kept Inside...
My Boss and I were talking about unhealthy habits.
Boss: And you! You drink so much pop (soda) every day.
Me: Yes, but it's diet.
Boss: It's still not good for you.
Me: But cancer is slimming.
Boss: Um. I can't believe you just said that.
Me: Uh. Well, I meant that with all the aspartame there's an upside?
Boss: It's still horrible.
Me: Yeah, I didn't mean to say that out loud. Can I take it back?
Boss: No.
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Art Can Be So Queer
There’s nothing quite like spending an evening surrounded by fabulous and talented queer artists to feel less-than. Between the visual artists, musicians, performers, and writers, I have never felt so inadequate, though I have the feeling my cultural diet of reality TV and gossip magazines might not help. I’ve also never felt so proud of my community.
Last Saturday, Fairy Tales hosted...
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Ke$ha: Can We Be Best Friends?
Dear Ke$ha,
You may have failed to become Paris Hilton’s BFF after the whole throwing up in her closet incident, but why would you want to be someone else’s BFF when there are plenty of people wanting to be yours. And by that I mean me.
Besides avoiding the whole aspect where I want to become you (and end up stuffing myself into your skin in a desperate attempt to be you just for a...
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Footsies & Its Appeal. Or Lack Thereof.
I’m sorry, but I don’t find footsies that sexy an activity. Granted, it may be because I’m not a raging foot fetishist, but having once stuck half a guy’s entire foot into my mouth in a fit of manic sexuality, I think I’m warranted to ignore that. What? I have a really big mouth; and that’s not at all what you’re asking is it?
Footsies (for those of you...
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anonymousactornyc asked: Where HAVE you been? :)
February 2011
21 posts
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5 Horrible Things You Should Probably Know About...
First dates are exciting: you’re getting to know someone new, having a good time, and, if you’re me, maintaining the thin veneer of pleasantness that belies the assholery underneath. I’ve had a lot of first date experience, and if you pull away the energetic, attentive, and interesting curtain as I’ve done below, you’ll probably see why second dates don’t really...