January 2011
30 posts
6 tags
How to get a head start failing popular New Year's...
It’s that time of year again. That is, time to get blackout drunk before promising to make next year the best ever through the magic of New Year’s resolutions. This pointless ritual eats up valuable time and energy that could be spent drinking on New Year’s Eve, and with a 78+% failure rate, I’ve decided my energy is better spent not telling you how to achieve them, but...
December 2010
20 posts
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May all your Xmas molestings come to fruition!
Can someone please tell me when airport security agents were apparently replaced from nice middle-aged minority women to really cute guys? Because I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this porn.
Merry Xmas, bitches! I managed to complete an entire series of daily Xmas-related postings I’m actually proud of, so I decided to reward myself by flying to Phoenix for 10 days. Either that or...
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Kris's 2010 Xmas List
Dear Santa,
I’ve been very good (at hiding the evidence) this year, and think that deserves a ready reward. In recent years I’ve avoided writing you since I was sure that I’d end up with a stocking full of coal, especially after sending all those small-pox-laced presents to the local orphanage. That was the best Xmas ever, but I digress.
This year has been different. I’ve...
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WatchObviously the recent lack of Ke$ha in my life has eaten into my drunken, pants-losing behaviour. Only a little, of course. That’s why this influx of Ke$ha is so important going into the holidays. She truly embodies the Xmas spirit.
Merry Ke$hmas everyone!
[I seriously can’t sleep.]
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Kris answers more questions! Question, rather.
What’s that saying? “Ask and the universe will deliver?” Well, apparently it’s quite true. I asked for more Xmas queries, and the universe has provided in droves! Wow, I never knew The Secret would work so well considering my vision board was just children’s faces stapled to a 2x4.
This delightful question was left as a (delightful) Facebook comment on my previous...
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Kris plays Xmas advice columnist & answers all...
Xmas is a very stressful time of year. Especially for advice columnists. Between the regular Xmas preparations and living their life, advice columnists are inevitably inundated with Xmas queries about stressful partners, families, and friends.
So, as a self-declared Xmas specialist, and advice-giver extraordinaire, I’ve decided to take over answering the world’s Xmas concerns....
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The Top 5 Most Ear-Molestingly Hateable Xmas Songs
There is a local radio station that plays only Xmas music 24-7 starting in November so that everyone can experience what it’s like to work retail during the holiday season from the comfort of, well, everywhere; if you do work retail, the station wants to reinforce that you can never, ever escape the never-ending stream of horrific Xmas music that plagues your every waking minute.
Now, I...
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WatchObviously the only appropriate way to deal with religion. Also, I only hope to one day be this funny.
verymarykate:
Confession
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It's the least sexiest time of the year
The Xmas season is many things, but one thing this time of year is not: sexy. Sorry to burst some of your bubbles, but Xmas is the furthest thing from a sexy holiday you can get with the exception of perhaps Arbour Day.
In one of Dan Savage’s recent podcasts he refers to Xmas as “the least sexiest time of the year” (sung to the tune of “The Most Wonderful Time of the...
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The true meaning of Xmas (hint: it's not Jesus)
Xmas is one of my favourite times of year. It’s festive, there are presents, and no one judges you when cramming your mouth with hors d’oeuvres at the closest buffet you can get your claws on. Also, it’s a comforting time to know that everyone else is slowly adopting their own belly full of jelly. Here’s the thing though: every year I have to entertain the constant bitching...
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A horrifying new children's toy resembling a sex...
I would like you to take a long, hard look at the below picture (pun intended):
I was doing a bit of Xmas shopping at my local Chapters when I stumbled on this display right outside of the children’s section. I stopped in my tracks and nearly died. Partially from laughter, and partially from the fact that this will haunt my nightmares for years to come.
Say hello to the Zipfy:
As...
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WatchAnyone else desperately want to live in Mary-Kanada?
verymarykate:
Presentation 2
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Anne Lister: first modern lesbian, possible...
[Calgary’s fabulous Fairy Tales Queer Film Festival has excitingly given me the opportunity to continue on throughout the year as their in-house blogger. This wonderful offer not only gives me a platform for making a public ass of myself, but will hopefully get more people joining me in watching these films and engaging in discussions spurred by wonderful queer arts.]
Have you ever wondered...
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T.S. Eliot had it entirely wrong
April is not the cruellest month, December is. Granted, although I’ll whine when it comes to April’s false promises (and my birthday), December is cruel in a manner much like April in Eliot’s freakishly dense poem.
December gives us hope and promise for love, family, warmth, and all the associated beauty and magic of the holiday season. Which holiday season? Doesn’t...
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