August 2011
16 posts
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If gay were a choice, I'd choose gay
It’s well-documented that being gay is not a choice, and considering the one Xmas I received a calculator instead of a Tamagotchi, I’m pretty sure the power of prayer is even less effective at keeping me away from penises. But considering a hypothetical world where sexual orientation and gender identity were a choice, I can conclusively say that I would pick gay again, and again, and...
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Bonjour Bitches: The gayest cowboy since Brokeback...
Being born and raised in a city whose main source of pride is the annual largest rodeo in the world, you can say that being a cowboy is in my blood. If by being a cowboy you mean putting on a pink cowboy hat, getting wasted, and making out with guys. I am determined to bring more gay to cowboys than the release of Brokeback Mountain.
Which is why, when our Montreal school-sanctioned activity for...
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Bonjour Bitches: Mute, drunk, & disorderly...
Within two days of arriving in Montreal I lost my voice. It remains to be determined whether it was the result of simple laryngitis or oral gonorrhoea (I put it at a 50-50 chance of either). However, embarking on a five-week adventure to learn and practice French seems a little ridiculous when you are barely capable of speech and sound somewhere between a 14-year-old boy going through puberty and...
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Eating ice cream in public makes me feel violated
It’s no big secret that I’m not good with heat. I don’t mind the occasional warm weather, but what I’m talking about is heat-wave-old-people-and-children-dying-oh-my-god-can’t-I-just-die-Hell-must-be-cooler heat. Which for whiny, heat-sensitive me is anything over 20 degrees Celsius. Anything in the hot or humid range turns me into a sweat-monster who soaks through...
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On the road again
Just a note to clarify some things. After getting back from Montreal at the beginning of July (see: Bonjour Bitches), I hit a kind of writer’s block and hadn’t written anything after my whirlwind few weeks in Quebec.
I went back to work for a month, and now am on the road again. I’m in Europe! I flew from Calgary through Frankfurt to Prague where I drove down to Budapest. Of...
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Bonjour Bitches: I'm Homeless
After deciding at the absolute last minute (read: 10 days before) to go to Montreal for 5 weeks, I jetted off to the land of French and poutine.
Upon arrival I can tell you 4 things:
1. It was absolutely unnecessary for me to pack any sweaters as my current outfit had plastered itself to my person like a second skin after what observers can only assume to be my taking a shower in my own...
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Bonjour Bitches
Well, internet, it’s been a while. I don’t like to stay too far away in case I start to develop into a real person or some other such nonsense, but the past month and a bit has been a blur of alcohol, fun, and French. Oh. Mon. Dieu.
At the end of May I got a last minute acceptance into the Explore program, a Government of Canada bursary that gives students the chance to study French...