Posted 1 year ago

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Dear Glee,

To borrow a line from you, “you’re a slut, you’re a slut, you’re a slut, you’re a slut!”. You’re satisfied throwing yourself at any attention-grabbing hook you can get your hands on, like a hooker no one wants. We need to have a serious talk, and without the melodramatic histrionics you’re so fond of.

We used to be so good together. You had excellent songs, and two-dimensional characters that fit well into excellent, albeit occasionally ridiculous, overarching story-lines. And I watched you. In recent memory, though, you’ve descended into complete madness: swinging wildly back and forth from shameless pandering to dramatic moral lessons so sappy my blood turns to syrup from its contact sweetness.

Listen, I can see two major problems with your current trajectory:

  1. You can’t form episodes entirely worked around a special guest star or currently most popular songs.
  2. Not every episode can be a fucking “very special episode”.

Firstly, you can’t build an episode around a guest star or series of songs, you fit the songs into the episode. Otherwise you become a monster-of-the-week show only without the fun of killing some evil villain. Whatever happened to the idea of a story-line? If you continue to make every episode around what will attract the most attention in a press release the week before, then it’s just going to fall apart.

Secondly, the “very special episodes”. They have to stop. I understand that every high school-based show, and really any show in general, should have some moral message to unify the point of its comedic shenanigans. That’s okay. But you really can’t make every episode a sounding board for gay rights. Listen, I love me some gay rights more than you could ever imagine, it’s just subtlety is the key word here. And that doesn’t mean subtle as a train-wreck. Show, don’t tell. If you’re going to become a didactic series of socio-cultural lessons, you’ll just end up being The Fountainhead, and we all know how that ends.

So why am I riding on you, Glee? It’s because I know you can do better. You were borne from the magical mind of Ryan Murphy, and that first half of your first season held so much promise. But fame and success has gone to your head and we have to reel you back in. You can still be wonderful; it can still happen! I’m urging you to better yourself.

The alternative is to be Lindsay Lohan. Or Charlie Sheen.

Come back to me,

Kris

P.S. - If I hear another pop song comeback solely because it was featured on Glee, I’m going to cut a bitch.

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