Popingay

Gossip Guy: Lethbridge: Too Queer?

Since my arrival here in Lethbridge back in September 2007 (gosh—have I been here that long already?) I have been witness to a few trends in this great city; but trends are meant to be, and should be replaced with ideas of new aren’t they? Aren’t political powers supposed to change and mold with the times instead of remaining powerfully seated back in yesteryears? Shouldn’t we be removing past terms of hate and discrimination after moving forward for so many years?

When I first arrived in Alberta I was taken back a further 4.5 years into my past, to the point where I moved from my hometown of Wasaga Beach, Ontario to Toronto for school. I had finally left that redneck area where high school was sometimes like torture, and the attitudes were those of the ship yards; that’s what the area was developed for back during the World Wars. I had arrived in a new place, and taken up residence near Ryerson University, where I was to attend, but also directly in the middle of the gay village. The shackles of my former life were released from my ankles; I was in a place where I could truly just be me.

I was simply amazed at how progressive Toronto was vs. where I had come from. The simple things; holding hands, being affectionate, they weren’t only out on display between same sex couples, but also widely accepted. The rights I never thought I’d have back home were already available to me, just not there, but here. It was then I made a realization: it’s not rights we are fighting for right now, but acceptance of the people within our own country! We already have the rights we want; others back home and around the country who haven’t heard or been exposed to the news just think that we didn’t.

That singular thought is ringing back in my head today as I continually hear and see what our smaller city Albertan LGBTQ leaders are doing within Lethbridge. Compared to what I saw back in Toronto, these people have grown up within the ideals of those who have not yet accepted the rest of our country’s progressiveness. So even though we have those same rights, we are just fighting to educate our local communities now to accept them along with the rest of the major cities. It almost seems like a time lapse is continually expanding outward from the LGBTQ neighborhoods of our great cities, slowly expanding out like a bubble of tolerance and acceptance.

Unfortunately, this time lapse effect has also affected our LGBTQ leaders and how they continue to conduct themselves at public events. The notion that Lethbridge last year had its first “Anti-Hate Rally” in response to a University student becoming the victim of another student’s dislike for his sexual preferences is absurd. Reactively, the local gay community groups banded together in a demonstration targeted towards sending a message to the city, when in fact it was the actions of one individual that should have been the target. The ideals our leaders carry are those of reactive activists and not of politicians as they blamed our city for the attack when it wasn’t a mob of citizens; but just one man misconducting himself (I guess he hadn’t heard the news). Lethbridge was not at fault here. I believe in my rumble opinion that a singular isolated hate crime should have spurred a proactive plan being developed to prevent it from happening again; instead our community leaders reacted with a rally that appeared to drive a message to all of the population that we’re angry at them.

What happens when you put an activist into a political leadership position? It’s like letting a bull into a china shop.

A survey conducted recently of Lethbridge’s LGBTQ population was calculated on how they identified themselves: 4% of those surveyed responded that “Queer” is their identifying orientation. Now the current leaderships of the OUT Reach Southern Alberta Society (formerly GALA/LA) and the ULSU Pride Board of Directors have adopted the term “Queer” during many of their public events to represent our vast community and use it like a lightning rod when speaking to describe our community. Who made this decision? I’m a part of Lethbridge’s population and its LGBTQ community, but I am not queer. I do not feel it’s appropriate to use this small segment of “LGBTQ” to describe us all, especially after they went through the pain of renaming GALA/LA to use a more encompassing and inclusive term that “they” thought was more appropriate.

ULSU Pride has hosted the OUTspoken Conference two years running now; bless their hearts. However, even the student groups have adopted this old derogatory terminology describing to the general population we’re all “Queer” with such workshop names as “Queer 101, Queer & Christian Panel, Queer History in Lethbridge”. What happened to the diversity that our community groups always speak of advocating for?

Are we to be forever branded as Queers in our community with our leader’s standing on soap boxes arranging rallies at every outrage shouting out the all too familiar “We’re here, we’re queer, we’re here to stay!!”? It definitely seems that way as our gay community groups have suddenly adopted this term to “label” us all again after advocating for inclusivity and changing the name of GALA/LA to do so. Why this absurd contradiction? Why is 96% of our community represented in that survey being misrepresented? Why are our leaders still reacting to events in our community like it’s the 1980’s? Why does it seem like we are moving backwards in time? Why do we all have to be queer because they say so? WHY?

Gossip Guy, you know you love me -xoxo

[Gossip Guy is your online resource for anything you want to talk about, but should expect the awful truth as a response. The purpose of Gossip Guy is to offer dating advice and advice to anonymous individuals to provide a valuable (if not sometimes comical) resource to the LGBTQ community.]

Gossip Guy: How To Convince Your Partner To Let A Third In Bed

So, you’d like to coax your partner into getting naughty and nasty with a third party? It could be an extremely difficult goal to attain. However, if your partner is very open-minded and sexually explicit, initiating a threesome can be a very simple task.

Threesomes aren’t for everyone

First off, if your significant other isn’t a very sexually open-minded individual, then it’s quite unlikely that they’ll be bringing another person home any time soon. For instance, if they don’t accept you cumming on their face, swallowing, or worse yet, using tongue altogether, then we suggest that you don’t even bother suggesting the idea of a threesome.

If you do broach the topic and they’re less than enthusiastic about the idea, then it’s likely that you’ll end up having your own little threesome for some time to come — you and both of your hands. After all, if they refuse to let in you in sexually and explore together, why in the world would they accept another person in the boudoir?

Sorry people, but some partners will simply refuse to get involved in a situation that they believe is a potential threat to their relationship. If you know your partner well, then you can probably predict whether or not they’d be delighted with the idea of licking another person’s privates, or better yet, watching another person lick yours.

Double your pleasure

For the rest of you who are pretty sure that your partner will be keen on the idea of bringing another sexy individual into the bedroom, here’s the lowdown on how to bring up the idea.

Before anything, remember that you shouldn’t act overenthusiastic; otherwise your partner might feel like this is your way of saying, “I want to cheat on you — with your permission, of course.” No matter how you bring it up, make sure that your partner knows that they are what matters most.

Gradually begin discussing sex and sexual fantasies. Put your fantasies out on display so that they can get an idea of what you like. When you begin discussing the date for three, don’t say something like: “I’ve always wanted to bang two guys/guys at the same time!” You should know what to say and the repercussions of being part of a threesome.

Load the lingo

Instead say something like: “I would love to see you kissing another man/woman.” This will flatter them and they won’t feel threatened or as though you’re dying to get into another person’s pants. This way, you get the bonus of joining in at some point once they’re into it.

Your objective here is to make them understand that you do not want another person (even though that’s probably the furthest thing from the truth), you simply want the experience of two partners.

Now, if you’re lucky enough to have the opportunity to set something like this up, they obviously have to be the decision-maker on who the other person will be.

Oh, and a word of advice for the oblivious at heart: Don’t, I repeat don’t push for someone considerably more attractive than your partner. They will only feel insecure and renege on the whole idea and once again, you’ll be left with the “lonely palms” ordeal.

Three may be a crowd

The following are the potential repercussions that may come with engaging in a threesome:

• You’re left out: It’s possible that the two people may be getting off on each other so intensely that they’ll forget you’re even in the room. Believe us, it happens more often than you think.
• You lose respect for them: After the experience, it’s possible that they may move from being the “person I’m going to marry” to the “party boy/girl.” There are chauvinists amongst us and when we see a person doing questionable things sexually, we habitually judge and condemn them for it. Blame it on years of evolution, or a lack thereof.
• They become extremely jealous: Depending on how things go, your partner can become very jealous because you either paid too much attention to the other person or the other person paid too much attention to you.
• You become extremely jealous: Because you may get left out of the entire tryst altogether, you may become jealous due to the fact that you were neglected.
• Your relationship disintegrates: It’s possible that you or they will realize that perhaps there’s someone out there who is better suited to your needs — at least sexually speaking.

Well, there you have it: a nice and easy way of attaining what you want through cunning means. Remember that there may be some serious repercussions following the ordeal so make certain that this is what you really want.

Gossip Guy, you know you love me -xoxo

[Somewhere in his busy schedule of threesomes and sex advice, Gossip Guy finds time to lend the odd article. I’ve yet to convince him of letting me into one of his many personal threeways, but I am banking on the fact that drugging two people still makes it a threeway. Math is our friend.]

Gossip Guy: The Gossip Mill Stopped Turning?

“Hello, and welcome to Scandal City, a place that prides itself on having completely eliminated its gossip and now runs like a corporation; the way the US Administration had always hoped for”. (Ohhh Nooooezs!)

Since eliminating gossip there is much good news—well, actually, no news whatsoever since all of the media went bankrupt years ago. But, based on our observations, it appears citizens (read “slaves”) now patiently chew their fingernails to stubs while awaiting the executive director’s (my) semi-annual communiqués regarding possible moves, layoffs, terminations, and promotions within our organizational structure.

As well, we are pleased to announce that more citizens have taken advantage of our citizen assistance program. It seems that without informal feedback of where they stand in the pecking order, many citizens are floundering—but we hope this will be corrected with the daily positive affirmations sent out from specially assigned city counselors via email and mass social media bursts which are now controlled by Scandal City. My counselors do so love being so positive; well they better or it’s a pink slip for them!

And, of course, the gossips—those folks who, regardless of how far down they were on the chain of job titles or salary classification, always managed to be the informal centers of power—have all resigned and moved out of the city since no amount of salary can compensate them for their loss of  influence and prestige.

Though we are basically happy with our zero tolerance approach (some infractions have cost lives), there are some downsides to eliminating gossip. Team work, for example, has taken a hit. It appears that the all too human need to form and create alliances, to socialize, and to give and receive praise and criticism, actually fostered the desire to work in groups. Without informal channels of gossip, most citizens keep quietly to their desks, but without the usual concern for how their work might actually affect others.

In fact, we were forced to make one exception to our zero tolerance policy on gossip. It appears that many of Scandal’s HR professionals entered the field because they secretly wanted to be at the center of an organization’s dramas. Without foreknowledge of who is being forced to resign, which executive is bedding which employee, who is in line for promotion because of said bedding, and who is on stress leave following a scandalous bedding break-up, many of our HR people were forced to leave Scandal City in search of juicier tidbits. Attracting and retaining quality candidates means we are forced to permit gossip—“professional discussion” in our parlance—within HR, provided it does not escape the department’s sound-proofed, steel-reinforced cage which is locked down by 4 heavily armed security guards who could each crush an elephant with one hand.

Tips on Handling Gossip

Of course, we understand that many cities do not have the courage to implement the extreme measures that Scandal City has undertaken to completely eliminate gossip. So, instead, consider the following tips in handling gossip within your organization or circle of friends:

1.      Recognize that gossip is a universal human behavior that we all engage in, and which serves a functional purpose for citizens and organizations. Remember, many of us spend more time with our work colleagues and friends than with our own families and that idle gossip sometimes helps to cement the bonds of collegiality.

2.      But, know that malicious or excessive gossip disrupts production, lowers morale, and often targets individual citizens. In fact, gossip can cross the line into harassment or mobbing behaviors, and can become a health and safety or human rights issue.

3.      Be direct with people who are gossiping about you or others. Tell them that what they’re doing is hurtful and that you refuse to participate in such discussions.

4.      Change the subject. If your boss, a coworker or a close friend is gossiping and you feel uncomfortable asking them to stop, change the subject so that you don’t have to participate in gossip that may end up hurting someone else’s feelings.

5.      Prevent gossip by paying attention to what you do and say around others, especially around those who tend to gossip. While it may not be fun to censor yourself, at least you won’t be providing any new material for people to spread rumors about.

6.      Tell your secrets only to trusted friends to be sure that no one is spreading your business around town.

7.      Let it go. If you’ve already asked the gossipers to stop blabbing about you or others and they’re still at it, move on and let it go. The gossipers will eventually get bored and move on, and you’ll be happy that you didn’t spend any more of your time worrying about what they had to say.

8.      Keep busy. Idle hands are the devil’s forked tongue, er…or something like that. You want to avoid having to cover up another executive bedding an employee “rumor” don’t you?

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[Gossip Guy is your online resource for anything you want to talk about, but should expect the awful truth as a response. The purpose of Gossip Guy is to offer dating advice and advice to anonymous individuals to provide a valuable (if not sometimes comical) resource to the LGBTQ community.]

Gossip Guy: You know you love him (just not more than Kris)

Matthew Young has been published professionally since 1996 across Canada and some of the United States. Upon relocating to Lethbridge from Toronto, Ontario in 2007 after graduating from Ryerson Polytechnic University, Matthew identified a lack of accessible information for LGBTQ’s in Southern Alberta. Gossip Guy was born as a method of filling that niche and has since grown to encompass many different issues and viewpoints as well as grip readers not only across Canada, but from as far away as Australia. Gossip Guy sees approximately 10,000 hits per month and deals primarily with offering dating advice to its demographic of readers.

A firm believer in his community; Young also enjoys volunteering as Vice Chair and Marketing Director on the Lethbridge Pride Fest Board of Directors and has formerly sat as Vice Chair on the Gay & Lesbian Alliance of Lethbridge & Area (GALA/LA) Board of Directors. Participating in his community is what Matthew hopes will aid to strengthen it.

Name: Matthew Young

Year of Birth: 1981 (AGH!)

 Height: 5’ 10”

Hair Color: Red/Blond

Favorite Color: Navy Blue

Zodiac Sign: Scorpio

Location: Lethbridge, Alberta

University: Ryerson Polytechnic University, Toronto, Ontario: Multimedia & Marketing Studies

Employment Situation: Full-time Marketing & Inside Sales. Part-time Creative Studio small business owner, Creative & Art Director, Designer & Writer

Activities: Blogging, working out, snowboarding, multimedia production, movies, rock climbing, camping, parties, meeting new people, exploring new activities, design.

Marital Status/Current Dating Situation: Single and looking.

Connect With Matthew Young: Facebook

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Gossip Guy is your online resource for anything you want to talk about, but should expect the awful truth as a response. The purpose of Gossip Guy is to offer dating advice and advice to anonymous individuals to provide a valuable (if not sometimes comical) resource to the LGBTQ community.